Bring Balance Back.

Over the last few days, I’ve had several coaching sessions with leaders who wanted to focus on developing goals for the new year. Goals for themselves personally, and larger goals for their teams, and what they want to accomplish in the year ahead. Seriously, there’s no shortage of people writing about goals. James Clear, Mark Manson, Simon Sinek, and Mel Robbins – they have scientific guides, and “it’s as simple as these 6 steps” takes. Lots of great ideas on goal setting, coming from all...

You know that moment in a meeting…someone says something inaccurate, or there’s tension that lingers after a sharp comment. Or, you sense a “bad” decision is about to happen, and your first instinct fires up inside: “I need to fix this. Now.” Familiar? As leaders, many of us have been wired over the years to jump in, to rescue, to correct, even when the room is full of capable, smart people. But there’s a different move: the practiced pause. That choice to sit in the moment. To resist the...

Being a leader can be a lonely job. I remember talking to a senior leader many years ago and asking them what the biggest difference was in leading at new levels – they said: “Your lunch group gets smaller.” It’s easy to rely on what we know and what has worked for us – not just in leadership, but in anything, really. And at some point, doing only what we’ve known to work will hold us back from learning and growing. It’s a little like solo mountaineering or backpacking. Even with binoculars,...

“There are commitments you have, and there are commitments that have you.” ~ Robert Kegan & Lisa Lahey It’s hard to imagine waking up one day and all of the challenge is gone. Nothing is difficult, nothing feels hard to accomplish. But yet, here we are, each and every one of us, in a struggle with a change we want for ourselves and struggling to make it. It’s like a foot on the gas, and a foot on the brake. A “brake” that’s deeply internal, and perhaps has been there for years and years. It’s...

Recently, I was with a team and noticed something interesting happening when challenges came up – there was a draw to blame the challenges on people outside the team. “Can we stay inside the house a little longer?”, I asked. I got a few curious glances back. “Can we stay inside the team for a little longer, and see if there’s anything more we can learn about how we’re contributing to this?” That willingness of the team to re-center and “stay inside” helped them learn and do more within their...

How often do you think about “trust issues” in your team? You’re left wondering why the tension persists despite all the time building clear processes, having regular check-ins, and loads of good intentions. Here’s what research on motivation tells us—and what I see with executive teams consistently—the missing piece isn’t usually systems. Or lack of process. It’s relatedness. Self-Determination Theory, which has been researched for ~40 years, proves what you’ve probably suspected all along:...

Yesterday I had a final coaching session with a leader, after working with them for 6 months, and they said this when we were reflecting on what’s been powerful for them to learn: “No one is coming to save me.” That was just one of a few profound things they said that struck me, because it’s true, as a leader, as a business owner, as a professional of anything difficult, there’s no cavalry coming. YOU are the asset, YOU are the gift, you are resourceful enough to solve your own problems. It...

It isn’t easy to drink anything out of a glass that’s filled to the brim. I work with teams often that are overwhelmed, have more requests coming in than they can deliver, and yet are very, very skilled at what they do. Highly capable, yet feeling stuck. They move fast every day, checking off tasks, but not making the progress they want to. A team can accumulate skill with individual members shining, but the true depth of the team doesn’t get better. If we have a glass that’s always full,...

I was at a cybersecurity conference a couple of weeks ago (BSides Seattle), and heard Wendy Nather‘s keynote on Saturday, “Falling Off The Edge, and How to Help”. She shared a perspective on the difficulty of being in the industry, how it’s not getting easier, and things that cybersecurity professionals do that might feel “right” but aren’t helpful. She had a line at the end of her talk, “Let’s focus on helping, not being helpy.” That’s stayed with me since then. In all of the reading and...

In his book, “Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World”, David Epstein references “desirable difficulties”, from the work of psychologist Nate Kornell. These are difficulties that someone experiences while learning something, and generalists, the people who decide not to specialize early in their profession, benefit from this. These generalists are often in situations where things are uncertain, since they’re in territory they don’t specialize in. They’re trying new things, and...