Bring Balance Back.

“There are commitments you have, and there are commitments that have you.” ~ Robert Kegan & Lisa Lahey It’s hard to imagine waking up one day and all of the challenge is gone. Nothing is difficult, nothing feels hard to accomplish. But yet, here we are, each and every one of us, in a struggle with a change we want for ourselves and struggling to make it. It’s like a foot on the gas, and a foot on the brake. A “brake” that’s deeply internal, and perhaps has been there for years and years. It’s...

Recently, I was with a team and noticed something interesting happening when challenges came up – there was a draw to blame the challenges on people outside the team. “Can we stay inside the house a little longer?”, I asked. I got a few curious glances back. “Can we stay inside the team for a little longer, and see if there’s anything more we can learn about how we’re contributing to this?” That willingness of the team to re-center and “stay inside” helped them learn and do more within their...

How often do you think about “trust issues” in your team? You’re left wondering why the tension persists despite all the time building clear processes, having regular check-ins, and loads of good intentions. Here’s what research on motivation tells us—and what I see with executive teams consistently—the missing piece isn’t usually systems. Or lack of process. It’s relatedness. Self-Determination Theory, which has been researched for ~40 years, proves what you’ve probably suspected all along:...

Yesterday I had a final coaching session with a leader, after working with them for 6 months, and they said this when we were reflecting on what’s been powerful for them to learn: “No one is coming to save me.” That was just one of a few profound things they said that struck me, because it’s true, as a leader, as a business owner, as a professional of anything difficult, there’s no cavalry coming. YOU are the asset, YOU are the gift, you are resourceful enough to solve your own problems. It...

It isn’t easy to drink anything out of a glass that’s filled to the brim. I work with teams often that are overwhelmed, have more requests coming in than they can deliver, and yet are very, very skilled at what they do. Highly capable, yet feeling stuck. They move fast every day, checking off tasks, but not making the progress they want to. A team can accumulate skill with individual members shining, but the true depth of the team doesn’t get better. If we have a glass that’s always full,...

I was at a cybersecurity conference a couple of weeks ago (BSides Seattle), and heard Wendy Nather‘s keynote on Saturday, “Falling Off The Edge, and How to Help”. She shared a perspective on the difficulty of being in the industry, how it’s not getting easier, and things that cybersecurity professionals do that might feel “right” but aren’t helpful. She had a line at the end of her talk, “Let’s focus on helping, not being helpy.” That’s stayed with me since then. In all of the reading and...

In his book, “Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World”, David Epstein references “desirable difficulties”, from the work of psychologist Nate Kornell. These are difficulties that someone experiences while learning something, and generalists, the people who decide not to specialize early in their profession, benefit from this. These generalists are often in situations where things are uncertain, since they’re in territory they don’t specialize in. They’re trying new things, and...

In the book, “Multipliers: How The Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter”, Liz Wiseman introduces 9 different Accidental Diminisher tendencies, and I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t self-identify with at least one of them. In short, your Accidental Diminisher tendency always starts with good intentions, but at some point, it becomes too “loud” and diminishes someone around you. It diminishes their contribution, and most of the time, it’s accidental. Here are the 9 tendencies, listed briefly:...

I’ve been wearing glasses since 3rd grade, and without them my vision isn’t great. My optometrist recently offered me a fork in the road – choose clearer vision at a distance or precision up close? I chose distance. Something I had been postponing for a while. Now menus require my extended arm (ugh). Reading smaller print demands brighter lights. The trade-off isn’t really subtle, I noticed the up-close difference right away. But walking my neighborhood? Driving? Squinting at that tiny...

A great team isn’t just a group of superstars working side by side, we have proof of that from the 2004 U.S. Men’s Basketball Team. Known as the “Dream Team”, on paper, they were supposed to win the gold medal by a LOT, but lost 3 games by a big margin and ended up taking the bronze medal home. Even though they were a super group of all-stars, they were young and lacked the time and effort to work on building a sense of team. Most importantly, they were playing a game they knew well, but in...